fic: Lose Your Heart in History

[caty_did]

So I was looking for a file on my computer and found a holiday prompting fic. That was completed, but not edited. And that I'd completely forgotten I'd written. How? How did I forget that? The file said it was saved at 2 am though, so my best guess is that I wrote it, went to sleep, and then got distracted and forgot about it? IDEK I also didn't write down who it was for, so if you recognize this as something you prompted, and you want to clue me in...

Prompt: Darla watching Angel and Connor in AtS S5
Title: Lose Your Heart in History
Rating: pg
Characters/pairing: Darla, Angel, Connor; slight Darla/Angel
words: ~490

What Darla is aware of, mostly, is that her boys are hurting. Her beautiful, tragic, darling boys. She can see them (she doesn’t know how, and she never asks), but sometimes she wishes she couldn’t, because it turns out, she might actually love after all and watching Angel and Connor fall time after time causes her pain. Actual, physical pain, gnawing in her gut, overwhelming her with how much she cares. All the feelings she would never acknowledge (or perhaps didn’t even have at all) while she was alive pour out of her all directed at the broken souls that make up her family.

Most days, all she wants is to fix them. Well, fix him. Connor. Her son. The one good thing they ever did together, destroyed by other people. There are times that she loves him so much; she thinks she’ll choke on it. There are times she has to sit on her hands to keep from reaching for him. She wants is to hold him, to promise him that he’s not alone. Not anymore, and not ever again. She wants to protect him and tell him that if anyone else ever tries to lay a hand on him she’ll rip their fucking throats out and that’s just for starters. She’d rip them limb from limb, tear at their flesh, until they were unrecognizable piles of skin and bone (she’s certain that Angel would be a more than willing partner in the carnage, soul be damned).

Then comes the day when everything changes. Angel makes a choice, and it’s not a choice she would have made, but it keeps Connor from blowing himself sky high (and it protects a lot of innocent people, but she cares less about that).

Angel carries the weight of the decision around with him everyday. She can see it in the way he holds himself, in the lines of defeat etched around his eyes. All those years and she’s never seen him look so old. She can barely admit it to herself, but seeing him like that makes her ache.

The worst part is that she knows it won’t last. Lies are unsustainable and it may take centuries, but eventually they crumble. And her boys, they don’t have centuries. They have weeks, maybe months. Years if they’re lucky. The truth is coming for them; she can feel it in her ancient bones.

And she wants, more than she has ever wanted anything, for them to fight for it. To fight for the truth and fight for each other, and to cast aside anything that stands in their way.

Angel’s friends, and Connor’s “family,” they can burn and take the whole damn world with them. As long as her boys make it back to each other, she doesn’t much care what happens to everyone else. They’re the only one’s that matter.

Because she’s selfish.

(and)

Because she loves them. 

Comments

[nvrbnkisst.livejournal.com]

oh! this is so beautiful!!

As a character I think Darla proves pretty difficult for people to write. You made it seem like that can't possibly be the case. I love that she watches them, and I could feel her aching.

This was fantastic!

[smells_corrupt.livejournal.com]

"You made it seem like that can't possibly be the case." STOP IT. Stop it with these comments that are making me flail all over the place at 2 am.

But seriously, thank you so much!

[nvrbnkisst.livejournal.com]

*evil laugh*

I WANT ALL THE FLAILING!

[smells_corrupt.livejournal.com]

OMG that gif! She looks like she's trying to fly away. I'm sorry Ms. Edison, but Greendale students are just as gravity bound as anyone else.

[nvrbnkisst.livejournal.com]

hahahahaha!! When I was making it I didn't realize the playback was going to be so slow. It does look like she's going to float away.

Fly little Annie, FLY! lol

[gryfndor-godess.livejournal.com]

Aaldkfjladkjflakdjfadsf, I'm pretty sure this was my prompt, too, and it's *beautiful*!

(You are spoiling me; I'm ever so grateful.)


There are times she has to sit on her hands to keep from reaching for him.

I love how human and emotional this is.

it’s not a choice she would have made

Hmm, I'm interested now to know what she would have done (ha, maybe she actually says in that S4 episode when she appears as a ghost? I don't even remember because that whole season makes me want to stab the DVDs).

All those years and she’s never seen him look so old. She can barely admit it to herself, but seeing him like that makes her ache.

Aaldfkjdalf, yes, because you loved each other, dammit, even if you couldn't admit it. The idea of Angel/Darla (literally) growing old together is so appealing.

I so like how in character you've kept her. I think it's easy to write Darla OOC because motherly and/or romantic love aren't the norm for her, but you make her feelings completely believable because of the way you've also made clear that she still doesn't give a rat's ass about anyone/thing else in the world. Thank you for this!

[smells_corrupt.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! And also, you're welcome!

If Darla says anything about it in s4, I don't remember. I've only watched S4 once. But re: what sort of choice would Darla make? I can't see her choosing to make her son forget her, and forget Angel, and forget himself.

They did love each other! They so did! GOD DOESN'T WANT YOU BUT I STILL DO.

Thanks again!

[smells_corrupt.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!!